News from Hodder Children’s Books:

If you like Diary of a Chav, you’ll love Grace Dent’s brand new book Diary of a Snob! Here’s a little taster of what it’s about:

Poppet Montague-Jones is 15, 87th in line to the British throne and soon to inherit a whopping trust fund. Unlike her sister Kitten - legendary wild child and society columnist in London Alive (see Diary of a Chav), Poppet is a troubled and ill-fitting teenager who is at an impressionable age, and doesn’t quite know how to launch herself into the world.

Thing is, Poppet is not entirely sure it’s what she really wants. Isn’t there more to life than charity lunches and yoga? Is Poppet destined for a life of designer grunge and decadence without lifting a finger to earn her own living, or is she brave enough to break out of the mould?

Diary of a Snob: Poor Little Rich Girl is out now, priced £5.99

Check out www.bebo.com/poppetmontaguejones to find out more!

Hi Shirazheads!

Just a reminder that my newest diary Keeping it Real is out NOW so if you haven’t already, make sure you grab a copy read it, bruv!

Here’s a taste of what it’s about.

Shiraz is nearly 19 and has been living away from home for the past few months but is now back in Goodmayes, Essex in her old cell-like bedroom plotting her future. She’s absolutely determined to get to college and get on her way to being a writer, who ACTUALLY GETS PAID this time! She knows she’s going to have to have a few words with Wesley about their future as he’s planning all sorts himself and it isn’t fair. Can she really contemplate a future without her lovely Wesley? But will he ever fit into her new life? Talk about a total quandary!

And while she’s mulling that one over her mum Diane drops a massive bombshell on the whole family and Shiraz’s life is suddenly turned upside down. Soon home in Goodmayes seems like the only place to be, surrounded by everyone she’s grown up with, people she loves to bits… Can Shiraz give up her dreams? Does she have to? Wait and see…

xxx

Greetings Shirazheads!

I hope all is good in your ‘hood! I get a lot of questions from fellow Shiraz-lovers about what certain words and phrases mean in my diaries, so anywayz I thought it wud b jokes to list a few in case you bluds don’t know some of ‘em. I’m doing it in dictionary-stylee to get me in the mood to write my Enlglish homework… I’ll post up some more soon!

BARE CHOONG (def): one of either sex who is extremely physically attractive; eg “That Wes is bare choong!”

BARE JOKES (def): very funny; witty; hilarious

BLUD (def): a term used in a familiar way to evoke a feeling of friendship amongst peers, though not to be used when having a conversation with your mother or father, Aunt Mabel, or Grandma.

BBRRRAPP! (def): an exclamation; either of astonishment or pleasure.

Laterz,

Shiraz xxx

Hi everyone, just have 2 say I am LOVIN’ the snow!! Had to stay at home all day as I was snowed right in by like 6 feet of it EVERYWHERE. I went out to the newsagent to stock up on emergency supplies of Fanta and nice ‘n’ spicy Nik Naks in the faint hope we’d all be snowed in for the rest of the week… sadly not the case… Later, I attempted to dress Penny up as a husky and tried to make her pull me and Carrie along in my battered old plastic sled in the park. I don’t think she was lovin’ that one bit, she just stood there and looked all forlorn at the other dogs who were running free. Anyone else have a day at home? What did you get up to?

PS to the rude-boys who attempted to throw an ice-ball at my head, Shiraz will wreak her revenge!! No one messes with the Shizzle Bizzle’s hair!!

Laterz blud,

Shiraz xxx

Sorry ladeeyz and gents, been a bit hush this month, been proper busy coz Santa Claus is comin’ to town. Christmas is proper slammin’! Shiraz Bailey Wood’s 5 favourite things about Christmas are:

So it’s a tie as to whether you think the “I’m a Celeb Get Me Out of Here” line-up is brilliant or utter bottom-of-the-barrel-scrapage. I’m lovin’ it at the moment. Seeing David Van Day SCREAMING like Kezia’s baby Tiq when he was flushed into a cave swamp full of mini-crocs and eels nearly made me choke on my chicken Zinger it was so damn funny. Haha. I have to say I’d probably be the same if I had to be covered in goo or rats or chow down on a Witchetty grub. Baby Jesus in heaven, I think it would come out in reverse the second it went in. EWWW!!!

Shiraz xxx

Shiraz xxx

Sometimes I curse mother for calling me Shiraz-Bailey Wood. I get well sick to death of the same question again and again: “You’re called Shiraz? Like in the wine? And Baileys? As in that creamy booze stuff that Nans get hammered on at Christmas?” Yeah, funny, bruv’ I say, ‘Oops there’s another widdle in my pants from laughing… never heard that one before!!’ I usually say this while counting slowly from 1-10 in my head.  Uma says I gotta count do when I’m feeling angry. Uma has been in anger management classes so she knows about this.

Sometimes I wish I had a normal name. Carrie, for example, according to a baby name website I just found, means ‘French Song of Joy’. HA HA HA, mate I~ have heard her singing and it ain’t joy. Even if she’s singing in French. And Uma means ‘Hindu Goddess’. Very fancy-schmancy.

I went on google today and it was saying that Shiraz is ‘one of the great red wine grapes’. Fair enough. It could be worse… at least mine is ORIGINAL AND UNIQUE, and it certainly ain’t a name you need to kill yourself over like Peaches or Pixie. Or Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple. Or that geezer out of My Name is Earl’s Jason’s Lee has got a son who is called Pilot Inspektor?!?!  Yeah whatever bruv, why not give your kid a name that sounds like a job down at Heathrow airport. Just better make sure he never goes to Superchav Academy. He’ll spend ever day picking his bag out of the school pond, innit?

Shiraz xx

OMG!!! Check out the NEW downloads in the “Slammin Stuff” section - there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE Shiraz desktop and mobile phone wallpapers and icons for you to download for FREE!!!

So the results for this week’s poll: Cheryl vs Dannii… Cheryl takes the lead as your fave X Factor judge with 63.5% of the vote. Understandable. I luv Chezza to bits. She keeps it real, she’s a Geordie bird wid class and style, she knows what she’s talking about on the X Factor as she’s been there and done that, and she ain’t afraid to go out shopping in her trakkies. Chezza, we salute you!

Shiraz xxx