This week’s poll results in: 72% of you prefer the pale and interesting rather than the perma-tanned look. I reckon my vote goes with the pale look as well, cos when I tried to use fake tan it all went horribly wrong and I looked like I’d been Tango’ed. Kezia couldn’t stop creasing herself and if one more person asked me if I’d OD’ed on Sunny Delight I was gonna give them some choice words I cannot repeat here. Haha.
Shiraz xxx
Sometimes I curse mother for calling me Shiraz-Bailey Wood. I get well sick to death of the same question again and again: “You’re called Shiraz? Like in the wine? And Baileys? As in that creamy booze stuff that Nans get hammered on at Christmas?” Yeah, funny, bruv’ I say, ‘Oops there’s another widdle in my pants from laughing… never heard that one before!!’ I usually say this while counting slowly from 1-10 in my head. Uma says I gotta count do when I’m feeling angry. Uma has been in anger management classes so she knows about this.
Sometimes I wish I had a normal name. Carrie, for example, according to a baby name website I just found, means ‘French Song of Joy’. HA HA HA, mate I~ have heard her singing and it ain’t joy. Even if she’s singing in French. And Uma means ‘Hindu Goddess’. Very fancy-schmancy.
I went on google today and it was saying that Shiraz is ‘one of the great red wine grapes’. Fair enough. It could be worse… at least mine is ORIGINAL AND UNIQUE, and it certainly ain’t a name you need to kill yourself over like Peaches or Pixie. Or Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple. Or that geezer out of My Name is Earl’s Jason’s Lee has got a son who is called Pilot Inspektor?!?! Yeah whatever bruv, why not give your kid a name that sounds like a job down at Heathrow airport. Just better make sure he never goes to Superchav Academy. He’ll spend ever day picking his bag out of the school pond, innit?
Shiraz xx
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So the results for this week’s poll: Cheryl vs Dannii… Cheryl takes the lead as your fave X Factor judge with 63.5% of the vote. Understandable. I luv Chezza to bits. She keeps it real, she’s a Geordie bird wid class and style, she knows what she’s talking about on the X Factor as she’s been there and done that, and she ain’t afraid to go out shopping in her trakkies. Chezza, we salute you!
Shiraz xxx
Ere, I am proper addicted to X Factor at the moment. This clip is of Rachel Hylton, my favourite person who is going through to the live shows! She looks proper nails, innit?’
She reminds me a bit of Latoya who I used to go to Mayflower Academy with. Except Latoya didn’t just look rock hard, Latoya WAS rock hard. Although she weren’t harder than Uma, cos no-one is. Oh my dayz, once Latoya had a fight with Uma in the middle of the school yard and Latoya’s skirt got all pulled up and she weren’t wearing no thong and it was proper grim and some of the Year 7’s had to have trauma counseling.
Anyway, I’m missing the point here. GOOD LUCK RACHEL HYLTON OFF X-FACTOR!!!!
Shiraz xxx